Five Non-Negotiable Duties of a Father

Being the father of three young adults and writing an article for fathers may seem a little pretentious. But by no means do I intend to come across self-promoting. Realizing our youngest is 15, and our older two children are college students is humbling in its own right. But perhaps there are a few small token ideas we fathers should consider together…

Let me propose to you that there are 5 Non-Negotiable Duties that fathers have toward their families and for their children. Whether you have one or a dozen children, if you lose sight of these five principles for raising your family, you will surely struggle to fulfill your obligation as a father. (Singing may be absent from this list, but you will find it’s influence is ever present.)

1) A father must cultivate a sense of family identity. Hold up the family as not only important but a place each member is valued. I remember growing up and being told, “Remember, you’re a Bruce.” One youth minister, before taking the kids on mission trip, would remind the students with these words, “Remember whose you are.” As a family we found honor in our name sake, and as God’s children we cherished the identity we share in His family. Perhaps the connection (music-wise) is found in the spiritual song written by Isaac Watts in the early 1700’s; “I’m not ashamed to own my Lord, nor to defend His cause…” When we cultivate a strong sense of family, our children will know they are safe and unashamed of who they are. Solomon gave a commendation in Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is to be more desired than great wealth…” Father’s, cultivate your families identity but teach them to honor Jesus, the name above all names.

2) A father must regularly demonstrate love to his wife. Without hesitation we consider Paul’s words to the church in Ephesus (Ephesians 5:25) as he writes, “Husbands, love your wives…” Alone, these four words are scripture and suffice, but we are left with the question, ‘HOW do I love my wife?’ The next seven words answer the question, “…just as Christ also loved the church…” But to the un-churched the question may remain, how did Christ love the church? Complete the verse, “…and gave Himself up for her.” We realize this means the ultimate sacrifice. Christ died for us! Husbands (Fathers) is your wife, your family, important enough to you that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for them?

3) A father must give his children the freedom to fail. Look no further than Luke 15:11-32 when Jesus tells us the story of the ‘prodigal son’. (Go to the text and read it again for a refresher.) The father of two boys is very affluent and provides for his family. But when his youngest decides to ‘move out’ and make his own way in life, his father doesn’t stop him. The young man is about to experience some difficult times and his struggles will be crippling. Certainly his father realizes this, but is still willing to give him his ‘freedom.’ Why would a loving father allow such a foolish mistake? Why not tell him ‘no’ and look out for his son’s best interest? The father, in Christ’s parable, is letting his son fail so he’ll learn what’s most important. Never assume it’s easy to let your children struggle through difficult times. But if they are to grow and learn and appreciate the blessings of life, they often have to fail. But it’s then that I remember the old invitation song written by Charles Gabriel, “Patient, loving, and tenderly still the Father pleads; Hear, O hear Him calling, calling now for thee…” Fathers hurt when their children fail, but often in failure our children learn. Our prayer is that they’ll learn and grow from their mistakes, then return home.

4) A father must guard his tongue and tone. This can be hard for those who are ‘manly men.’ We’re rough and gruff and often bark out commands to the troops. Fathers, we must be very careful to consider the example we’re setting. You’ve heard the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The way you raise your children will be the way in which they learn to treat themselves and eventually raise their families. Discipline falls into this category too. We are commanded to discipline our children, but unbridled punishment can be detrimental. God’s word is our guide…Proverbs 13:24 “He who withhold his rod (discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Notice that when we fail to discipline (withhold the rod) we, in essence, are ‘hating’ our children. However, if our discipline is rooted in love we’re following God’s word. Solomon tells us again in the 16th chapter of Proverbs, verse 24…“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Often we reserve kind words for strangers and inject venom upon our family. How about giving our family (our children) some of that ‘pleasant honeycomb.’

5) A father must build a relationship of trust with his children…built on God’s Word and not on human knowledge. How much do you value God’s word in the presence of your children? Do your children see you embrace the word of God and make Him your focus? Or do we have a tendency to slide up next to the world and let culture dictate our choices? Reading God’s word, and making God your priority is building a relationship on Him and His word. Taking your children to the soccer game instead of worship on Sunday morning is not building a relationship on God’s Word, but on the world’s ways.

Perhaps Solomon says it best in the first seven chapters of Proverbs as he writes the phrase, “My son…” seventeen times. Would that we instruct our children over and over again about the glory of God and the admonition to live for Him. “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute (reputation) in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3

1, April 12, 20131, April 12, 2013

Parents Need Only Two Prayers…April 14th

A representative from a lesser known media outlet made the following statement earlier this week; “…we’ve always had kind of a private notion of children: Your kid is yours and totally your responsibility. We haven’t had a very collective notion of, ‘these are our children.’ So part of it is we have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents, or kids belong to their families, and recognize that kids belong to whole communities…”

For years we have embraced the notion, “It takes a whole village to raise a child.” We must never forget God’s instruction is for parents to bring their children up in the Lord, Ephesians 6:1-4. Mothers and fathers (Families, not communities) are responsible for raising children. Proverbs 6:20, “My son, observe the commandment of your father and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.” There are some who would like the passage to read…My son, observe the commandment of your community leader and do not forsake the teaching of your neighbor.

This coming Sunday morning our lesson will be focused on how parents prepare for children, and how parents come to understand the obligation of bringing their children to God. As always, I hope you’ll remember the inspired words of Paul from the 14th chapter of I Corinthians; “…I will sing with the spirit and I will sing with the mind also.”

Sunday morning, April 14, 2013

The following songs are found in the hymnal, Songs of Faith & Praise.

“I Will Call Upon the Lord” – 63

Our opening song, the ‘call to worship’, comes from the book of Psalms, chapter 18:3…almost word for word. Penned in 1981, this contemporary psalm provides the singer a strong opportunity to express our deepest desire to ‘call upon the Lord.’

“Father, Hear the Prayer We Offer” – 777

Written over 150 years ago, this song is filled with poetry that stirs the heart…if you’ll take the time to examine the message. Notice the reference to Old Testament scripture in verse 2, “Not forever by still waters would we idly, quiet stay; but would smite the living fountains from the rocks along our way.” (Read Exodus 17: 5, 6)

“When My Love for Christ Grows Weak” – 350

Before we partake of the Lord’s Supper, we’ll sing this old spiritual song that reminds us to stay close to Christ. As we sing the first two verses we are reminded of Christ in the garden. The 3rd and 4th verses take us to Calvary as we sing, “There behold His agony, suffered on the bitter tree; see His anguish, see His faith…” But the final verse encourages us to learn from Christ, and to become self-sacrificing.

“More Precious than Silver” – 273

One of my favorite hymns (we are singing this song to our God) starts with the words, “Lord, You are more precious than silver…”. A song, as you look more closely at it, professing our desire for God and for God alone. We sing that He is more precious than silver…more costly than gold…more beautiful than diamonds. So I ask you, do I really believe that, or are you just singing it? Remember I Corinthian 14:15…

“When He Cometh” – 714

Known in some circles as a ‘child’s hymn’, this spiritual song reminds us that God will come back and take (collect) his children home. The chorus is an interesting analogy; “Like the stars of the morning, His bright crown adorning, they shall shine in their beauty, bright gems for His crown.” Who will shine in their beauty? Take a look at verse 3…“Little children, little children who love their Redeemer are the jewels, precious jewels, His loved and His own.”

“I Will Pray” – 840

“Father, in the morning…At the noontide…in the evening shadows…I will pray…Morning, noon and evening unto Thee I’ll pray.” How often do we pray? When times are tough and the going get’s rough? Perhaps when we’re happy and content. But read I Thessalonians 5:17, Paul tells us in to, “Pray without ceasing…” That would be morning, noon and evening!

“Hark! ‘Tis the Shepherd’s Voice” – 880

Another ‘children’s hymn’, this song calls for us to take on the responsibility of bringing our children (the lost) back to the fold of Christ. The words of Jesus from Matthew 18 sum it up pretty well; “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go the mountains to seek the one that is straying?” Let’s sing and then let’s ‘bring them in!’

“God’s Family” – 744

As we close the service this morning, we’ll sing about the family of God. Do we really see each other as brothers and sisters? Can we say we laugh together? How often have you cried with a brother or sister in Christ? Do we share with each other our heartaches and sighs? When was the last time you shared your dreams with the family of God? On Sunday morning we should do more than just say “Hi…how are you doing?” as we hurry away to lunch. Remember, we are part of the family…that’s been born again!

1, March 23, 2013

A Land that is Fairer Than Day

These past few days, several trips have been made back and forth between the hospital and the house for both my brother and me.

Not a quick drive across town, but a 50 mile drive (one way) across the Metroplex. Perhaps for many that’s not a big deal and they do it daily in their commute, but personally I like to stay close to home. My brother had it even tougher; his drive as 6 hours round trip and he made it several time too. But for me, big city driving has never been a favorite pastime. But we all know that ‘you do what have to do’…better yet, we do what needs to be done! And for me these past few days, making that jaunt needed to be done.

Daddy fell two weeks ago come Monday as he was walking down the hall way in his apartment. A walk he had taken hundreds of times in the last 7 years, but on March 11th this ‘last’ walk ended with him laying on the floor with a fractured hip. From there it was a hard road…surgery was 3 days later, and rehab was inevitable. He seemed to be coming along pretty well on Monday, four days after surgery, but this afternoon it all changed. Due to complications from his surgery (blood clot most likely), daddy passed away. From all accounts it happened pretty quickly and he didn’t suffer. The road ahead was looking to be a long one and the rehabilitation was certain to be difficult for daddy. But he’s free from that pain now. His body (more like his soul) is at rest and we will do our best to honor his memory.

As my brother and I stood in the emergency room this afternoon and said our final ‘Good-bye’, Doyle quietly said the following words; “There’s a land that is fairer than day…” I echoed, “…and by faith we can see it afar.” Daddy has gone home and this physical life is behind him now. We rest assured knowing that there is a sweet by and by, and that thought brings us comfort. Time changes everything and we all realize that death comes in time, but we hold fast to the hope we have in Christ. As I drove home from the hospital this evening I spent some time singing and talking to God. My prayer was simple; asking for comfort, safety on the road and understanding…but something more was added to my prayer list. I thanked God for giving me a daddy who taught me Jesus Christ. A father who raised me to honor God and always strive to serve Him. For that blessing I am most thankful!

There’s a land that is fairer than day,
And by faith we can see it afar;
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there.
- Chorus:
  In the sweet by and by,
  We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
  In the sweet by and by,
  We shall meet on that beautiful shore.
We shall sing on that beautiful shore
The melodious songs of the blessed;
And our spirits shall sorrow no more,
Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.
To our bountiful Father above,
We will offer our tribute of praise
For the glorious gift of His love
And the blessings that hallow our days.

As I conclude this memorial to my daddy, let me take a moment to share a passage from the book which bears his name. James chapter 5:13 “Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises.” After 83 years, James Bruce will be missed on this earth. His last surviving brother and two sisters (not to mention his widow and four sons and their families) will miss him dearly, but we hold to the hope that some day soon… “We shall meet on that beautiful shore.”