Five Non-Negotiable Duties of a Father

Being the father of three young adults and writing an article for fathers may seem a little pretentious. But by no means do I intend to come across self-promoting. Realizing our youngest is 15, and our older two children are college students is humbling in its own right. But perhaps there are a few small token ideas we fathers should consider together…

Let me propose to you that there are 5 Non-Negotiable Duties that fathers have toward their families and for their children. Whether you have one or a dozen children, if you lose sight of these five principles for raising your family, you will surely struggle to fulfill your obligation as a father. (Singing may be absent from this list, but you will find it’s influence is ever present.)

1) A father must cultivate a sense of family identity. Hold up the family as not only important but a place each member is valued. I remember growing up and being told, “Remember, you’re a Bruce.” One youth minister, before taking the kids on mission trip, would remind the students with these words, “Remember whose you are.” As a family we found honor in our name sake, and as God’s children we cherished the identity we share in His family. Perhaps the connection (music-wise) is found in the spiritual song written by Isaac Watts in the early 1700’s; “I’m not ashamed to own my Lord, nor to defend His cause…” When we cultivate a strong sense of family, our children will know they are safe and unashamed of who they are. Solomon gave a commendation in Proverbs 22:1, “A good name is to be more desired than great wealth…” Father’s, cultivate your families identity but teach them to honor Jesus, the name above all names.

2) A father must regularly demonstrate love to his wife. Without hesitation we consider Paul’s words to the church in Ephesus (Ephesians 5:25) as he writes, “Husbands, love your wives…” Alone, these four words are scripture and suffice, but we are left with the question, ‘HOW do I love my wife?’ The next seven words answer the question, “…just as Christ also loved the church…” But to the un-churched the question may remain, how did Christ love the church? Complete the verse, “…and gave Himself up for her.” We realize this means the ultimate sacrifice. Christ died for us! Husbands (Fathers) is your wife, your family, important enough to you that you are willing to sacrifice yourself for them?

3) A father must give his children the freedom to fail. Look no further than Luke 15:11-32 when Jesus tells us the story of the ‘prodigal son’. (Go to the text and read it again for a refresher.) The father of two boys is very affluent and provides for his family. But when his youngest decides to ‘move out’ and make his own way in life, his father doesn’t stop him. The young man is about to experience some difficult times and his struggles will be crippling. Certainly his father realizes this, but is still willing to give him his ‘freedom.’ Why would a loving father allow such a foolish mistake? Why not tell him ‘no’ and look out for his son’s best interest? The father, in Christ’s parable, is letting his son fail so he’ll learn what’s most important. Never assume it’s easy to let your children struggle through difficult times. But if they are to grow and learn and appreciate the blessings of life, they often have to fail. But it’s then that I remember the old invitation song written by Charles Gabriel, “Patient, loving, and tenderly still the Father pleads; Hear, O hear Him calling, calling now for thee…” Fathers hurt when their children fail, but often in failure our children learn. Our prayer is that they’ll learn and grow from their mistakes, then return home.

4) A father must guard his tongue and tone. This can be hard for those who are ‘manly men.’ We’re rough and gruff and often bark out commands to the troops. Fathers, we must be very careful to consider the example we’re setting. You’ve heard the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. The way you raise your children will be the way in which they learn to treat themselves and eventually raise their families. Discipline falls into this category too. We are commanded to discipline our children, but unbridled punishment can be detrimental. God’s word is our guide…Proverbs 13:24 “He who withhold his rod (discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Notice that when we fail to discipline (withhold the rod) we, in essence, are ‘hating’ our children. However, if our discipline is rooted in love we’re following God’s word. Solomon tells us again in the 16th chapter of Proverbs, verse 24…“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Often we reserve kind words for strangers and inject venom upon our family. How about giving our family (our children) some of that ‘pleasant honeycomb.’

5) A father must build a relationship of trust with his children…built on God’s Word and not on human knowledge. How much do you value God’s word in the presence of your children? Do your children see you embrace the word of God and make Him your focus? Or do we have a tendency to slide up next to the world and let culture dictate our choices? Reading God’s word, and making God your priority is building a relationship on Him and His word. Taking your children to the soccer game instead of worship on Sunday morning is not building a relationship on God’s Word, but on the world’s ways.

Perhaps Solomon says it best in the first seven chapters of Proverbs as he writes the phrase, “My son…” seventeen times. Would that we instruct our children over and over again about the glory of God and the admonition to live for Him. “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute (reputation) in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3

1, June 14, 20131, June 16, 2013

God’s Chosen Fathers…June 16th

On a clear Sunday afternoon in the mid-1990’s our family went to eat lunch after morning services. As we were getting our children out of their car seats and into the restaurant, Logan, then three, asked, “Since we celebrate mommy’s on Mother’s Day and daddy’s on Father’s Day, when do we celebrate ‘Son Day’?” My response; “Every day…is son’s day.”

But if the truth be know, every day we should be recognizing the Son of God and celebrate Him. This past month we took some time to honor our mothers, and this Sunday we’ll take a minute and consider our dads. Father’s Day and Mother’s Day were designed by our country to honor our parents (Ephesians 6:1, 2). But men we must remember our responsibility as dads. Join us as we consider the idea that God has chosen us to be fathers.

“…I will sing with the spirit and I will sing with the mind also.” I Corinthians 14:15

Sunday morning, June 16, 2013

The following songs are found in the hymnal, Songs of Faith & Praise.

“Restore My Soul” – no book

As we sing this song to God we’re asking Him to restore us, revive us and renew us. The text for this hymn is Psalm 80, “O God, restore us and cause Your face to shine upon us…” Surely we have all felt weary, empty and ‘cold’ in our zeal for God. But this morning as we sing, we’ll be calling on Him to renew our love for Him, rebuild our faith in Him and restore our soul.

“Night with Ebon Pinion” – no book

This is an old spiritual song that dates back to the mid-1800’s, with some very strong Biblical applications. The poetry from this song has caused many to abandon it, but in so doing we lose a beautiful message about the last hours of Christ’s life on earth. Terms like “ebon pinion” and “brooded o’re the vale’ have perplexed many Christians into leaving this hymn behind, but consider what we’re singing. Ebon means ‘black in color’ while pinions are the wings/feathers of a bird. To ‘brood’ is to hover or sit upon, and the ‘vale’ is the valley. Now pull them all together with this translation; The dark night had settled and was hovering over the valley like the wings of bird… We have an obligation to take the time to understand what we’re singing. Maybe that’s why some of our older hymns have been tossed out; we would rather not think about the words.

“God is So Good” – 83

A simple song with a complex message. God is good, He answers prayer and He cares for me. Would that be the reason we sing the final verse, “I love Him so…” or is our faithfulness unconditional? He died for us when we were undeserving. Do you love Him because He’s good and answers your prayers? Simple, but complex…

“Walk with Me” – 394

Less than 50 years old, we sing this hymn asking for God’s guidance and presence in our daily lives. The refrain is a personal plea that I will follow in His footsteps from Galilee to Gethsemane. Fathers, remember our responsibility to lead our families; we’ll do it best when we walk with Jesus.

“Faith of Our Fathers” – 754

Fredrick Faber captured the message here of a godly heritage. When our father’s are faithful and pass that faith down to their children, we are blessed. But fathers, have you ever been confined to the dungeon, or faced the fire and sword? Who of us have been chained in prisons dark? Hebrews 11:32-38 gives us the remembrance of these faithful (fore)fathers as we look at verses 1 & 2, “Now faith, is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval.” “Faith of our fathers! Holy faith! We will be true to Thee (God) till death!”

“Step by Step” – 15

Before our lesson we’ll medley Faith of Our Fathers with Step by Step. Song leaders, since the key signatures are the same and the message is sequential, the flow of these two songs make a beautiful combination. The tradition followed by the contemporary makes for a powerful reminder that our faith in God will seek Him in the daily. Each step toward God shows our families, and this lost world, that we are devoted to walking in His ways.

“I Am Coming, Lord” – 923

“I hear Thy welcome voice that calls me, Lord, to Thee…” As our invitation song we open the door, so to speak, for those who are lost or struggling in their faith to come back to God. An invitation song isn’t the only time we seek the lost, but it’s a great opportunity. In our hymnals, Faith & Praise, only the first verse is provided. But this Sunday morning we’ll revisit Louis Hartsough’s original writing; ” ‘Tis (It is) Jesus (who) calls me on to perfect faith and love, to perfect hope and peace and trust, for earth and heav’n above…” To those who are hurting, sad and lost in sin, there is peace in the blood that flowed from Calvary.

“To Christ Be True” – 736

What better way to end the service this morning than to reconfirm our faith in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We’ll join our voices and sing to encourage each other to be true to Christ. Why, ‘…for He will go with you, and help you’ through all your conflicts. But more importantly, because we have been chosen to lead our children to Him.

1, June 5, 20131, June 4, 2013

How Do You Spell Love?

Simple Truths is a motivational organization that provides some wonder encouragement and support to it’s readers. This article is an excerpt from a book that reminds us of the shortness we find in this life. Whether you are looking for motivation, or simply needing inspiration, Simple Truths will provide for you a great resource.

“In the faint light of the attic, an old man, tall and stooped, bent his great frame and made his way to a stack of boxes that sat near one of the little half-windows.

Brushing aside a wisp of cobwebs, he tilted the top box toward the light and began to carefully lift out one old photograph album after another.

Eyes once bright but now dim searched longingly for the source that had drawn him here.

It began with the fond recollection of the love of his life, long gone, and somewhere in these albums was a photo of her he hoped to rediscover. Silent as a mouse, he patiently opened the long buried treasures and soon was lost in a sea of memories. Although his world had not stopped spinning when his wife left it, the past was more alive in his heart than his present aloneness.

Setting aside one of the dusty albums, he pulled from the box what appeared to be a journal from his grown son’s childhood. He could not recall ever having seen it before, or that his son had ever kept a journal. Why did Elizabeth always save the children’s old junk? he wondered, shaking his white head.

Opening the yellowed pages, he glanced over a short reading, and his lips curved in an unconscious smile. Even his eyes brightened as he read the words that spoke clear and sweet to his soul. It was the voice of the little boy who had grown up far too fast in this very house, and whose voice had grown fainter and fainter over the years. In the utter silence of the attic, the words of a guileless six-year-old worked their magic and carried the old man back to a time almost totally forgotten.

Entry after entry stirred a sentimental hunger in his heart like the longing a gardener feels in the winter for the fragrance of spring flowers. But it was accompanied by the painful memory that his son’s simple recollections of those days were far different from his own. But how different?

Reminded that he had kept a daily journal of his business activities over the years, he closed his son’s journal and turned to leave, having forgotten the cherished photo that originally triggered his search. Hunched over to keep from bumping his head on the rafters, the old man stepped to the wooden stairway and made his descent, then headed down a carpeted stairway that led to the den.

Opening a glass cabinet door, he reached in and pulled out an old business journal. Turning, he sat down at his desk and placed the two journals beside each other. His was leather-bound and engraved neatly with his name in gold, while his son’s was tattered and the name “Jimmy” had been nearly scuffed from its surface. He ran a long skinny finger over the letters, as though he could restore what had been worn away with time and use.

As he opened his journal, the old man’s eyes fell upon an inscription that stood out because it was so brief in comparison to other days. In his own neat handwriting were these words:

Wasted the whole day fishing with Jimmy. Didn’t catch a thing.

With a deep sigh and a shaking hand, he took Jimmy’s journal and found the boy’s entry for the same day, June 4. Large scrawling letters, pressed deeply into the paper, read:

Went fishing with my Dad. Best day of my life.“

Click here if you’d like to read more about this article. (For best effect, turn up your volume.)

The story you just read is the introduction for To a Child, Love is Spelled T-I-M-E. It was written by the co-author Lance Wubbels, a best-selling author for inspirational books.

1, May 6, 20131, May 6, 2013

The Best Refuge…Ever!

Though this spiritual song was new to me, it was born in the mind of Caroline Sandell Berg in 1858. It’s origin comes from the ‘Song Book for Sunday School’, and as you listen to this choral arrangement, you’ll be able to hear the shades of a lullaby. The YouTube video is from Cal-State University Choir, choral archives, dating back to December, 1962.

“Children of the Heavenly Father
Safely in His bosom gather;
Nestling bird nor star in heaven
Such a refuge e’er was given.

Neither life nor death shall ever
From the Lord His children sever;
Unto them His grace He showeth,
And their sorrows all He knoweth.

Though He giveth or He taketh,
God His children ne’er forsaketh,
His the loving purpose solely
To preserve them pure and holy.

God His own doth tend and nourish;
In His holy courts they flourish,
From all evil things He spares them;
In His mighty arms He bears them.”

Consider that third verse; what exactly IS God’s purpose with us? Are we just an experiment that He started several, thousands of years ago? Or is there something more than life and death we can be looking forward to? Are we any better off than a bird that nestles in the trees or a star that flashes in the night sky? As children of God, we believe that He is in control. And we know that our life is under His rule. He can take away, and He often generously gives, but why are we here, what is His purpose?

We take hope in knowing the God loves us and desires all to come to know Him. We read this promise in 2nd Peter chapter 3, verse 8 and 9…“But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like one day. The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”

Remember verse three…His purpose, His loving purpose, His only loving purpose is for His children to come back to Him. As Caroline penned over 150 years ago, ‘…to preserve them (us) pure and holy.’ Do we desire God as much as He desires us? We flourish because of His grace. We are spared from all evil because of His mighty arm. We are children of the heavenly Father with the best ‘refuge’ ever!